#WickedWednesday - August 20th

"Gooooooaaaaallllllll!!!!"

While I was sorting the laundry the other day all I could hear from the garden was talk of football teams and scoring goals. It's lovely to listen to my two play together and their small age gap really shows through when they do - some days I love to just sit and listen and watch them play together, forming their close friendship as Brother and Sister.

That day though, even though the bonding was lovely, I encountered two little 'terrors' playing a great game of football together....in my flowerbeds!! The goal was the rose of sharon (thankfully it had finished flowering and I hadn't planted anything else around there yet) and it was taking one heck of a pummelling. Cheeky little monkeys!

#MySundayPhoto - August 17th

We've been growing our own food again this year and, after a lot of waiting, it's finally time to start picking everything! Most of the bell, barancio and chili peppers are still green so they're going on the window-sill to ripen up. The tomatoes are looking great though and we almost have enough to make a yummy homemade tomato soup :)

Growing Our Own Tomatoes - It's Time To Start Picking!

The kids have been watering and caring for their tomato plants for the last few months. Each morning they'd be out looking after them and watching their tomatoes gradually grow. There's been a lot of excitement this week as, after weeks of waiting patiently (no easy thing for my 'terrors'), some of the tomatoes were ready to be picked!!

They pointed out the red and orange ones and gently picked them off the plants. The gorgeous red tomatoes have gone into the fridge until we're ready to use them and the few orange ones they collected have joined my chili and bell pepper's on the window-sill to ripen a bit more.

We want to make something with our tomatoes that we will all enjoy; that was the whole point of growing our own after all. After a bit of thinking and some suggestions from the kids we've settled on making tomato soup. It's a firm favourite in our family and should be quite simple to get the kids involved in the making and cooking of it. When we have a few more ripe tomatoes we'll start making - I can't wait, and I don't think the kids can either!!

Word of the Week - August 15th

This week has been all about Family; the good and the not so good bits.

Our week began with the sad passing of my wonderful, brave and kind Nan-in-Law who lost her battle to cancer in the early hours of Saturday morning. I only had the privilege of knowing her for a handful of years but she became a good friend and was adored by my two children. My youngest is a little small to fully understand what's going on but my eldest knows and it's heartbreaking watching her realise that she won't see her again. It's obvious to say that she will be missed, but she really will leave a very large hole in our family.

The end of the week has closed on a slightly different note. The passing of my Nan-in-Law has made me think a bit about my own family and the stupidity of the feuds within it. After 15 years I doubt my "Uncle" (he's never been an Uncle to us), his family and ours will ever resolve our issues but I'm trying to make amends with my Granny. I haven't forgiven all that's gone on but yesterday I made the decision to visit my Granny after almost 2yrs without contact. It went much better than expected. Hopefully it's time for my family and I to move forwards.

Fighting Myself and the Impact on my Children #MentalHealth

I have spent far too much of my 26 years fighting. Fighting myself.

Fighting clinical depression.
Fighting post-natal depression.
Fighting post traumatic stress disorder.
Fighting self-harming behaviour.
Fighting anorexia nervosa.
Fighting anxiety.
Fighting.
Fighting.
Fighting.
Endless fighting.

I need a day of respite. One whole day to myself, without any intrusion from myself. Just accepting myself as myself.

But, this isn't going to stop. It never will stop. Day after day, year after year, decade after decade, it will carry on and on.
I'm gradually accepting that.
I have to keep on fighting, indefinitely, and that's fine. I've become accustomed to it. I have my ways of coping and, when I can't cope, there are people around me that know my 'signs.' People that pick me up and hold me up until I can do it myself again.

But...what impact will that have on my children?

What if they get caught up in my fighting?
What if I've passed something onto them, genetically or otherwise?
What if they have to spend their whole lives fighting too?

What happens when they start asking why Mummy has scars?
What happens when they start asking why Mummy has 'down days'?
What happens when they start asking why Mummy doesn't eat much?

What do I say to them then? Do I tell them I'm fighting?
Do I tell them the truth? And what impact would that have on them?

#WickedWednesdays - August 13th

Quick, she's taking a picture! Look in opposite directions and move around a bit!

After sitting so cutely on the bus to Sainsbury's the other day, holding hands for most of the journey and smiling away, they let go pretty darn quickly when I produced my phone to take a picture. They then proceeded to turn in opposite directions and move around so it all went blurry. Arrr.

N is for...

...NATURE

My two 'terrors' are firm lovers of the outdoors and we are quite lucky in our garden that there's quite a bit of nature to be found. Most nights there are hedgehogs snuffling around in the shrubs and in the morning's the surrounding trees are littered with birds, big and small. We've even come across a Sparrowhawk...complete with captured Sparrow in it's talons!

With the warmer weather and the beautiful sunshine we've been seeing an awful lot of butterflies in assorted colours and patterns and we seem to be a bit of a 'hot spot' for dragonflies too; there are several that frequent our garden, the biggest almost the size of my hand! The kids are greatly impressed by all the birds, bees and bugs they come across outside and each trip into the garden seems to turn up even more little creatures for them to discover.

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