Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Mum's First Moments - First Cuddle

It's with great excitement that I kick off the Mum's First Moments (#MumsFirstMoments) series! I'm starting with one of my own memories of my first cuddle with my youngest and across the coming weeks and months myself and guest bloggers will be sharing a varied range of '1st time' memories from all stages of motherhood.

9 days and 8 nights. That was how long I had to wait until I could pick up our fragile little baby in my arms and hold him close, painfully longer for my Husband. I had been making do with holding hands and stroking his tummy through the constrictive holes of the incubator, watching his sleepy face through the glass until finally, after so much waiting, the NICU nurse approached and asked if I would like to hold him.

"Are you sure?" was my response. After trying to be patient for this day to come it surprised me that my first emotion was fear and apprehension. What if I knocked a cable? What if I hurt him? What if something happened while I was holding him?

After yet another handwash and application of alcohol gel I donned the oh so attractive plastic apron and gloves as I was asked to do. Feeling very nervous, I took a seat in a comfortable chair and tried to ready myself. Although our little man was strong enough for a cuddle he was still very unwell and needed that extra barrier; it felt like a bit of a barrier between us too.

It wasn't the first cuddle I had envisaged. I thought I would have him lying on my chest, skin-to-skin, and feeling nothing but joy. I was over the moon but I was terrified as I sat covered in medical equipment with him swaddled in a blanket in my arms looking no bigger than my eldest's baby dolly.

I had been staring at our little man in a plastic box since he had been born and now he was allowed to come out, and everything felt totally overwhelming. That first cuddle was incredible for so many different reasons. The first seconds were nerve-wrackingly scary and somewhat sad but I remember him snuggling in to me, turning his face towards mine and taking a brief moment to stare up into my eyes before drifting back off into a peaceful sleep in my arms. Joy flooded me and the love for him filled me to the brim. The re-assurance that he was happy and comfortable in my embrace made me feel like the proudest Mummy on the unit.

He was so tiny and fragile but so incredibly perfect. His little blue eyes matched his Daddy's, who sat next to me stroking the fine brown hair on our youngest's head. Our baby boy looked up at us with a mixture of amazement and acknowledgement of the moment. The beeping and bustling of the NICU blurred into the background, my ears listening to his breathing and soft and steady beeps of his own machines. He was here. He was ours and he was happy. And for the first time since his difficult arrival I truly smiled and let out breath.

The 'Mum's First Moments' Blogger Series is all about embracing the first moments of Motherhood. Everything from the moment you discover you're expecting, through all those pregnancy firsts, into child-birth and those first moments as a new Mum and beyond towards the big milestone 'first moments' of bringing your little bundle home, seeing that first gorgeous smile on their faces and more.

If you'd like to get involved comment below, tweet me @shay_noble or email me at shaynoble@outlook.com for some more information :)


  1. A gorgeous account of your first cuddle and a great start the series. x